Monday, June 13, 2011
Inky Fingers #2
I will not ever apologize for what I have said in my previous tweets/facebook statuses. Peter S. Suplicki is a failure not just at raising a good family but also at life. I am sorry to Patti and Joseph my aunt and uncle. I'm sorry your brother turned out the way he did and had 2 children at least that can't even stand the mention of his name. Leslie I feel sorry for you for even caring about him. Truly, I don't, if you told me tomorrow he died; I wouldn't feel a thing. For me he died the day I was sent to VA. PETER IF YOU EVER SEE THIS ROT IN HELL YOU MOTHER FUCKER, LITERALLY. YOU FUCKED MY MOTHER AND HERE I AM. I am better than both of you(sorry mom). I live for every moment I have on this Earth because I know every moment could be my last. Sure I'm twisted and somewhat deranged but I am who I am. Not because of you, but despite you. CALIX MEUS INEBRIANS/EGO DILECTO MEO ET DILECTUS MEUS. My right hand to remind me of you and all your short comings and my left to remind me of what I can and will be.(in trying to find the correct spelling of PSS middle name [I believe it is Salyuer, not sure where that comes from] I have become increasingly afraid of google and it's power over everyone and everything.) Fingers (especially middle one is inked up with Noodler's Navajo Turquoise and a slight bit of Noodler's Night Shade both from flex nib pens [Lapis Inferno and Cardinal Darkness].)
Inky Fingers #1
This is my first blog post. If you told me a year ago that I would be in the place I am now I never would have believed you. I'm blogging. I'd rather be anablogging (journaling) but at the moment I'm almost too intoxicated to be using a pen, let alone a keyboard. The only reason this isn't littered with typos is because I'm really an anal freak that once I see a red underline on something it must be corrected. Right now the two words in the fourth sentence cannot be fixed but I'm trying not to bug the fuck out.
So here is the story thus far, it is June 12, 2011, four months and seven days since the love of my life (the only woman I will ever love) Angela decided she couldn't be with me(also 1 day before our 9th anniversary as a couple) . That places the date at 2/5/11 (the day my world came crashing down). That day (it was a Saturday) her valentines day present arrived, it was a 24k gold dipped rose from ihatestevensinger.com (I really hate steven singer). She always wanted me to get her flowers but, me being a man and knowing that the gift would last a week tops never got them for her (with the exception of her birthday in 2002, 2 real roses that died before she got home) even though she asked for them plenty of times. A card came with the 24k rose, it said my love for you will last as long as this rose, forever. Although she left me that still holds true, there is no one on this planet that I will love more than her. There were lots of tears that day and many more afterward, not just for her leaving but also for what I put her through all of these years.
I have never felt so alone, and truly I was alone. My few friends had moved away, my mother is living in my grandparents old place, and I was left, stuck in this place that Angela made very nice for me, alone. Everything reminded me of her, that was until she and her sister came and got almost all of her belongings and took them away. One of the last days she was here I gave her back The Key. The Key is to her tiny heart locket that her father gave her when she turned 13. She gave it to me on our 2nd anniversary and I always kept it in the bottom of a pocket in my wallet. I never lost it and looked at it frequently, it really symbolized her love for me. I couldn't keep it any longer, she didn't love me any more.
Fast forward a week or so to just after valentines day. She called me up looking for her passport, she is going to take a trip out to see my/our friend KTB, who is studying in Ireland. I say my friend first because she was my friend first. I ruined that friendship as I have so many others in the past.(PAUSE TO POUR MY 4TH BLOODY MARY OF THE NIGHT). I eventually found it and she books her flights and talks to KTB via skype with me crying my eyes out/getting sick in the background. I can't believe she left me let alone is going to Ireland without me. I wanted to take that trip so bad, I was even going to ask her if we could do it the day she decided to leave me.
So she goes off to Ireland, I send with her a letter for KTB and one for her as well(with one of our engagement pictures just to add a little sting). When she gets back she tells me not to contact her for at least a month; no calls, no texts, no emails, no snail mail, nothing . So i try my damnedest not to. It is extremely hard not to talk to some one for that amount of time that you have spent nearly nine years with and have talked to them almost everyday. I almost cracked the last couple of days. I asked her sister to tell her to call me. I want to know what is going on in her life. I think that places the date around May 6th or so. 3 months since she left; I need her back in my life. She is the only good thing that ever happened to me.
(The paragraph that follows that one is intended for friends and very close family only, sorry blog watchers. I don't know who might read this in the months or years to come and I really don't want that event to haunt me more than it already does. Thank you for your understanding.)
I asked her father to meet with me the day after that event, days before the event took place mind you. I met him at a restaurant near their home in Rockaway. Nice place, thank God it wasn't crowded like it normally seems to be. I broke down (read: cried almost every minute)and told him about the situation. He was very understanding and offered to accompany me on the first leg of the long journey, really not something I had expected.
Fast forward a week or so (date is 5/28/2011) Angela invites me to her house to talk about everything. In my mind we are going to talk, with her parents present, about all the things that went wrong in the past few months and how to move past them. Well I couldn't have been more wrong. After I told her about my event(see paragraph that cannot be blogged.), she drops the world on my fucking head, Angela is pregnant with my son. The other shoe (as they say) drops, she wants to give the child up for adoption. When she tells me me she is 20 weeks. She is due on 10/16/2011.
Suffice to say this is hard for me to cope with. At first I want to keep the child and raise him by myself. In time I've come to realize I was just being selfish and only thinking of myself and what I wanted, not what is best for me and the child that I helped bring into this world. I've prayed so hard about this, about everything really. God and my Lord Jesus Christ have made me realize what is important in my life. I have grown up so much in the past few months.
I guess the last thing I have to say is in Latin and I will never forget or cover up these words that are forever on my left wrist. EGO DILECTO MEO ET DILECTUS MEUS. (I AM MY BELOVED'S AND MY BELOVED IS MINE.) Oh, the ink on my fingers today is Noodler's Navajo Turquoise from my Noodler's Lapis Inferno Flex Pen.
So here is the story thus far, it is June 12, 2011, four months and seven days since the love of my life (the only woman I will ever love) Angela decided she couldn't be with me(also 1 day before our 9th anniversary as a couple) . That places the date at 2/5/11 (the day my world came crashing down). That day (it was a Saturday) her valentines day present arrived, it was a 24k gold dipped rose from ihatestevensinger.com (I really hate steven singer). She always wanted me to get her flowers but, me being a man and knowing that the gift would last a week tops never got them for her (with the exception of her birthday in 2002, 2 real roses that died before she got home) even though she asked for them plenty of times. A card came with the 24k rose, it said my love for you will last as long as this rose, forever. Although she left me that still holds true, there is no one on this planet that I will love more than her. There were lots of tears that day and many more afterward, not just for her leaving but also for what I put her through all of these years.
I have never felt so alone, and truly I was alone. My few friends had moved away, my mother is living in my grandparents old place, and I was left, stuck in this place that Angela made very nice for me, alone. Everything reminded me of her, that was until she and her sister came and got almost all of her belongings and took them away. One of the last days she was here I gave her back The Key. The Key is to her tiny heart locket that her father gave her when she turned 13. She gave it to me on our 2nd anniversary and I always kept it in the bottom of a pocket in my wallet. I never lost it and looked at it frequently, it really symbolized her love for me. I couldn't keep it any longer, she didn't love me any more.
Fast forward a week or so to just after valentines day. She called me up looking for her passport, she is going to take a trip out to see my/our friend KTB, who is studying in Ireland. I say my friend first because she was my friend first. I ruined that friendship as I have so many others in the past.(PAUSE TO POUR MY 4TH BLOODY MARY OF THE NIGHT). I eventually found it and she books her flights and talks to KTB via skype with me crying my eyes out/getting sick in the background. I can't believe she left me let alone is going to Ireland without me. I wanted to take that trip so bad, I was even going to ask her if we could do it the day she decided to leave me.
So she goes off to Ireland, I send with her a letter for KTB and one for her as well(with one of our engagement pictures just to add a little sting). When she gets back she tells me not to contact her for at least a month; no calls, no texts, no emails, no snail mail, nothing . So i try my damnedest not to. It is extremely hard not to talk to some one for that amount of time that you have spent nearly nine years with and have talked to them almost everyday. I almost cracked the last couple of days. I asked her sister to tell her to call me. I want to know what is going on in her life. I think that places the date around May 6th or so. 3 months since she left; I need her back in my life. She is the only good thing that ever happened to me.
(The paragraph that follows that one is intended for friends and very close family only, sorry blog watchers. I don't know who might read this in the months or years to come and I really don't want that event to haunt me more than it already does. Thank you for your understanding.)
I asked her father to meet with me the day after that event, days before the event took place mind you. I met him at a restaurant near their home in Rockaway. Nice place, thank God it wasn't crowded like it normally seems to be. I broke down (read: cried almost every minute)and told him about the situation. He was very understanding and offered to accompany me on the first leg of the long journey, really not something I had expected.
Fast forward a week or so (date is 5/28/2011) Angela invites me to her house to talk about everything. In my mind we are going to talk, with her parents present, about all the things that went wrong in the past few months and how to move past them. Well I couldn't have been more wrong. After I told her about my event(see paragraph that cannot be blogged.), she drops the world on my fucking head, Angela is pregnant with my son. The other shoe (as they say) drops, she wants to give the child up for adoption. When she tells me me she is 20 weeks. She is due on 10/16/2011.
Suffice to say this is hard for me to cope with. At first I want to keep the child and raise him by myself. In time I've come to realize I was just being selfish and only thinking of myself and what I wanted, not what is best for me and the child that I helped bring into this world. I've prayed so hard about this, about everything really. God and my Lord Jesus Christ have made me realize what is important in my life. I have grown up so much in the past few months.
I guess the last thing I have to say is in Latin and I will never forget or cover up these words that are forever on my left wrist. EGO DILECTO MEO ET DILECTUS MEUS. (I AM MY BELOVED'S AND MY BELOVED IS MINE.) Oh, the ink on my fingers today is Noodler's Navajo Turquoise from my Noodler's Lapis Inferno Flex Pen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)